I don’t really know where to begin. Four years in the making—another chapter of my life quietly closing, while a new one waits just out of sight. If I’m being honest, I’m filled with uncertainty. I feel unfulfilled. Like something is still missing, and I can’t quite name it yet.
And don’t even get me started on the job market right now. Finding work feels brutal—landing even a single interview is incredibly difficult. I don’t have strong connections or a long list of internships. What I do have are volunteer experiences, clubs, and tutoring—things I’m proud of, but that don’t always seem to count for much on paper. That’s a whole other can of worms though… probably a blog post for another day.
Back to what’s been weighing on me most: I’ve finished my major, but instead of feeling complete, I feel empty. I want more. I want to reach higher and take my shot at a master’s degree. The problem is simple and cruel—money. I don’t have it.
What fills me right now isn’t excitement, but anxiety. Yes, I’m relieved that it’s finally over, but the thought that this might be the last time I walk around campus, sit in a classroom, or work late nights on projects with people I care about… that really gets to me. It bothers me more than I expected.
In many ways, I feel like I peaked in college. I built stronger friendships, found people who shared my interests, and experienced a kind of joy that came naturally. And yet, I can’t shake the feeling that I didn’t fully capitalize on my time there. I could have done more—built more professional connections, planned more deliberately for the future.
The truth is, I never really treated my bachelor’s degree as a pathway to a career. I studied computers because I genuinely love programming and technology. The salary was just an extra bonus. Because of that mindset, I didn’t seriously pursue internships early on. By the time I tried in my sophomore year, I failed to land one. Part of it was timing, part of it was effort, and part of it was me assuming my computer science experience would be “enough.”
If I’m being completely honest… I think I’m already missing school. For the past fifteen years or so, learning has been a constant part of my life. Letting go of that identity feels strange—like losing something familiar that shaped who I am.
Oh well.
It’s time to try and get employed.